Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

What is the latest fad among Indian girls?

After the tragic Delhi gang rape, this is the fad. 

  1. "Hang the rapists!"
    Most often shouted with complete disregard to the fact that technically, it's defamatory to even call them rapists until they've been convicted, let alone hangthem or castrate them. Also, with complete disregard to the fact that a legal system exists in this country. 
  2. "I am a woman! Respect me!"
    Another brilliant example of pseudo-feminism. No, lady, I will not respect you purely for your lack of testicles. I will hold you by the same standard as I hold the other half of humanity. If you hit me, I will retaliate. You must be delusional if you claim to be a feminist on one hand and demand respect for being courageous enough to step out of your house on the other. You can't have your cake and eat it, too.
  3. "I have a right to dress as I want!"
    I've observed girls dressing provocatively because they've been told not to. Their way of rebelling, perhaps. But once you forget all the bullshit and get down to reality, you realise the stupidity that dances around dressed in that 10-inch miniskirt. Think about it. You're in a dark alley. You have a legal right to take out that iPhone 5 of yours and flaunt it around. There is no denying that. Do you walk around displaying it to the general public? Damn right you don't. It is an object of desire. And there's no denying that female bodies are objects of desire in the minds of a significant number of men. 
    However, many women refuse to put reality before their idealism. In an ideal world, women wouldn't be molested even if they walked around naked. This is when you wake up and realise that we don't live in an ideal world.
There's also the generally overt suspicion of men everywhere, but this, at least, is understandable. I have no problem with women feeling threatened and carrying pepper spray/knives around. You're free to do whatever you want to make yourself comfortable, except shouting about how unfair it is that you were born with a different chromosome. Going out and changing things is one thing, but talking aboutgoing out and changing things is totally different. 

It's time we learnt the difference between a trend and a movement. Trends go in and out of fashion. Movements don't stop till they succeed.

As with all generalisation-based answers, this does not cover everyone. If you're a woman reading this, don't bother commenting to let me know that you're different. There is a sizeable number of exceptions, but the fad is determined by the majority.

Was this a rant? Maybe, just maybe it was.
Why are "easy" girls looked down on by other girls?
You don't even have to be easy.  Other girls just have to THINK you are easy and you are doomed.

It usually starts around 5th grade.  Girls that are liked more by boys.  Girls with larger breasts. Girls that hang out with boys instead of other girls.  It only gets worse with age.

By the time high school rolls around and it is obvious which girls are actually having sex instead of just fantasizing about it, those girls are now verboten to the good girls.

But beyond the fact that other girls will shun them, think of how they are treated by the boys.  Boys are also aware of which girls are considered sluts.  Boys that want easy sex will hound these girls.  Boys that only want monogamous girls will stay far away from the sluts.  Even if the slut desires the good boy.

Now you have girls in high school who have sex with their boyfriends, and they are not considered sluts.  Why?  Because nobody knows about it.  However, if that girl were to end up pregnant, whoops... now she has been demoted to a slut.

So, why are girls harsher on other girls who are easy?  Very simple.  A slut can take away your man.  A female can not trust a slut to not ruin her life.  Sluts are ruthless you see. They want every man they lay eyes on and will do anything to get what they want.

Mostly myths, but unfortunately passed down from generation to generation and all good girls know, stay away from sluts or you might be thought of one to
Some girls are relatively slow to develop the emotions required for physical intimacy and they often assume that girls who develop those emotions more quickly have ulterior motives. 

They assume that "easy" girls are using sex to get something else they want - such as emotional intimacy. This assumption is often unfair, but they are making it in the context of how slow they are to develop the comfort level to take on an intimate relationship, and to feel sufficiently strongly towards someone to want to be intimate.

They assume that "easy" girls don't "value themselves." Some sexually hesitant girls believe that one should begin offering sex to the man only after a sufficient amount of good treatment and romance from the man. They believe that such restraint is equated to valuing oneself. They reject the counter argument that that type of emotional barter is twisted and reeks of insecurity and anality, instead deeming it necessary, deeming it far too risky to sleep with someone simply because they feel some emotion for them. They believe that "easy" girls will never really know if the guy is just using them for sex. They believe that you have to force a guy to wait in order to attain this knowledge. 

There's also a layer of self pride and judging those who are different. In other words, more reserved girls look down on easy girls simply because their world views seem incompatible. People derive their sense of pride in a variety of ways. I have seen smart girls look down on dumb people for intelligence. I have seen fun girls look down on some smart girls as boring. I've met religious people who look down on the non-faithful. I've seen atheists look down on religious people etc. Everyone has things they take pride in. Some people take pride in their sexual reservation. They believe that sex is something special, and it is a source of pride in that they believe they are doing something good, and that those who don't share their morality in this respect are somehow "less good."

Some girls simply develop feelings quickly. Some genuinely enjoy sex, but are also good people, etc.
I was about 13 years old when I saw Urban Cowboy. I also learned about drinking the worm in the tequila. This was the first time that I had a window into the sexual energy that occurs between a man and a woman. It's like magic, it's primal, a power in the air, as ancient and life and as eternal as love. I understood the electricity between them, and what came over them. I was 13, so I was beginning my lifelong obsession with women and sex. What I came to understand from Sissy (Winger), was that, just like Bud (Travolta) and just like me (Jason), there was this incredible thing, put away the valentine hearts, and the wedding vows, and all the things we try to decorate it with, how we lie about it, try to call it something else, I knew it. I knew what they felt, and she chose what she wanted. Just like Bud did. Just like I would, when I was a year older.

I understood at that point that there was a double standard. That guys who went after what they wanted were studs, and women who did that were sluts. And, I thought, this is the thinking of people who are afraid of what they are, and who care more about what other people think than their own passions.

So, thank you John Travolta. You helped free me from being caught in the web of bourgeois fear and knitting circle morality. The real reason is fear. Most girls fear the stigma of being attached to that "easy" label. So, they distance themselves from it, by putting others down. In this way, they say to the world, "I'm not like this, but she is." The sad irony is that the word "slut" or "easy" traps them into a behavior, buries them under a self-image that is at odds with being a free and equal and human. There are good reasons for not being promiscuous, but condemning others is the mixture of social fear combined with a history of gender stereotyping.
I had started to pick up on the idea that there was a stigma attached to this kind of girl. They were somehow looked down upon, and I didn't understand why. Those other girls looked like cowards, worried more about what people thought about them, than about other people. Annette (Pescow) was a tragic figure. Tony (Travolta) didn't love her. She was no angel. She used her sex against him, but then, she regretted it. She was a person who loved another person and went after them. Honestly, in the movie, I thought she was the only really interesting character. Tony was shallow, full of himself, but Annette, she was real, she loved, and she went after what she wanted. I thought she was brave.

Then, Travolta taught me about adult relationships in Urban Cowboy.
Because evolutionary reproduction strategies differ considerably for both sexes. Males have a very straight forward mating goal, and that is to quickly spread their genetic code across the greatest possible population. This ensures the heritability of traits amongst a wide variety of the available gene pool, and can lead to a measured lineage of economic and political goals, which may benefit that particular male. (See Genghis Khan, Niall of the Nine Hostages, Saudi Royal Family, etc.)

On the other hand, females have an all together different outlook that emphasizes choice selection, because their genomic destiny is fundamentally aligned with that of the offspring until it can fully mature (which may take decades). For example, females must carry their developing child in the womb for approximately 9 months, an incredible investment of time and resources. During that period, the mother and child are in considerable danger, so the female must make a very good (exceptional perhaps?) choice about who that father should be, whether he can provide protection for her when she is unable to defender herself, if he can gather appropriate resources for the development of the child as it matures into an adult, etc. 

Because of these dynamics, it's no surprise there are cultural values transmitted through the social hierarchy that help 'remind' females of what is in their genetic best interests. Of course, these types of negative connotations can be used in the 'mating war' as weapons deployed against other females in the race towards a particular male who may be making a determinative decision as to who he would like to copulate with (though for him, it's certainly all one in the same). 

Modern technology affords many deviations from these strategies moving forward. Women can now take advantage of 'The Pill', and Plan B, in order to lower their risk of impregnation, without worry of making a 'bad choice' with respect to their mating strategy. But fundamentally, the cultural aspects within female groups remains, and perhaps is the primary factor for why there is still use of the word 'slut' in a negative context.
First of all, there are a lot of women who also look down on "easy" boys. How many women do you know who are a fan of male porn stars? Generally speaking, girls get attracted to romantic male characters in movies, not womanizer ones.

There are still sexism and double standards in every culture. Girls are being raised by people teaching them that they should value love, they should get intimate withthe guy they are in love with and only with him. Guys grow up learning very different things on romance-sex subject. Guys grow up watching movies where the male character chases women, has casual sex. Girls grow up watching movies where the female character looks for love, never has casual sex. So when a girl becomes an adult, when she sees a girl doing the things she know as "expected or normal for men to do but not for women," it's something unusual, it's something slutty in her mind -- that's what people told her for years. The main reason really is this.

Another reason is jealousy. Let me share an example from my life: I'm uncontrollably too picky when it comes to love/sex and so far it's been nearly impossible for me to get intimate with someone I'm not in love with. A girl in my social circle can completely separate love and sex, and she has a high libido. (In all honesty, good for her.) I've known her for three years. We're the same age and based on the reaction we get when entering a new room, I'd say we are about equally attractive. Every Valentine's Day, she gets gifts from a guy she slept with, a card from another guy who wants to sleep with her. She has "friends with benefits" in different cities, she stays with them when she travels. Guys give her a ride when she needs it, help her at work, buys her stuff, and everything else. I spent all those three Valentine's Day alone. I pay for everything myself. When I travel, I stay at a hotel. Unless I'm in a relationship, I get nothing romantic other than compliments. Guys can tell that I won't sleep with them unless they really work for it for a good amount of time. So they just don't waste their time with me. Guys can tell she might sleep with them much sooner than I would, there's a higher chance, so she gets compliments, gifts, support and everything. I have never and would never call this girl a 'slut', I don't think she is. But I can't lie how annoying and unfair the situation sometimes can get for me. Some women don't stop at just getting annoyed but also get angry and their anger turns into name-calling.

Final reason is that because of bad boyfriends some girls have. Unfortunately, sometimes women forget that if their boyfriend flirts with another woman, it's their boyfriend's fault. Definitely not a third person's.

Additional note: For me, a 'slut' means, whether it's a woman or a man, someone who uses sex to get something (e.g. To make people pay for their stuff, to get promoted at work..etc) and also means someone who sleeps/flirts with someone who already has a partner. That's all. I find any other usage of the word
They are looked down upon because their promiscuous behavior reflects poorly upon the community as a whole. They do not only bring dishonor to their own families but also bring shame upon their friends, their ethnicity, and their nation.

They are looked down upon because their behavior is reprehensible and immodest. They are looked down upon because they have lost all sense of propriety or personal dignity, throwing it away to hedonistically indulge in their basest desires. Because they have so chosen, they will never reach happiness; no, on the contrary, they will drink more and more from the sea of hedonism, for with every mouthful of its water--every fleeting and ephemeral moment of superficial satisfaction--they grow ever more thirsty.

Instead of resisting their primal desires, they have fully given in. They have fallen headlong over a precipice from which there is no return.

Surely you knew the answer to this question? I have a difficult time believing that you couldn't understand this basic fact of human society,

No comments:

Post a Comment

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...